A Single Step

The divine irony is that I lead an enviable life. I have minimal possessions, minimal want for disposable income, minimal desire to purchase unnecessary things.

Of course I am human and so I have desires, but in the last few years I have removed the need for things and in place of it have found a need for life.

Experiences, not things, are what we need to live for. You'll lose nothing by not slaving away in university to be the best. What are you going to do? Get a degree that the rest of the world already has? You're not special--you're just like everyone else.

What will make you unique is the use of that degree. That piece of paper is the tool, the key that you will use to unlock doors everywhere--if you know how to look. There isn't a magical formula you can follow; you can't just go through the motions, get a degree, find a desk job, and live happy forever. If you have a grasp on reality and a keen eye for rationality, eventually you will be miserable, eventually you will find that you live an unfulfilled life.

The secret to turning this all around is simply to choose. Choose life. That's all you have to do.

It seems easy, but in truth it is the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. I could have gone to the best university in the Midwest, and even though I would have been in debt, I was so desperate for that fancy little piece of paper that said I was worth something. That showed that I worked hard.

Through a convoluted series of events I eventually landed at a small liberal arts school that I go to for free thanks to scholarships and financial aid. I have made the best friends I could ask for and have had so many unique experiences that are irreplaceable and most certainly priceless.

But it doesn't stop there. I'm not majoring in business or biology or nursing or something else that I would certainly hate and therefore make excellent money doing. I instead pursued writing, which is something of a skill that I've had my entire life. (Perhaps it doesn't show on this blog but then again, this exists for the sole purpose of berating myself so naturally my stream of consciousness isn't gramatically or politically correct ; ) )

I started out as an English Education major when I came to school because my whole life everyone told me I should "do something with art or writing." Naturally that meant I should get a steady job doing something vaguely satisfying that would require minimal work. I took on that major because I felt it was what I was "supposed to do." We all know that feeling. We're "supposed" to graduate high school, "supposed" to go to college, "supposed" to get a job, "supposed" to go to graduate school, get married, have children, get a promotion, buy a house, buy cars, grow old, retire, and spend the rest of our lives in a senile and sedentary state of bliss.

The idea of spending my waking hours at a nine-to-five for roughly the next forty five years and then fading away into a wrinkly, catbox-scented oblivion terrifies and astounds me. Why are we so complacent? Why are we so unbelievably satisfied to follow these social mores and achieve "The Steps"? Why do we want this mundane, day-to-day carousel to be the vehicle by which we achieve centegenarianism?

A century spent kissing ass to the man, buying his products and licking his boots?
Or one spent fulfilling your fantasies, using all your senses, and doing things you enjoy? Imagine actually finding your passion and fulfilling it!

I am choosing fulfillment. I let go of my measly ambition, let go of my absolutely desperate need for security, and allowed myself to embrace the mystery. It sounds romantic, and indeed it is. A romantic notion but a realistic possibility--and that possibility comes from nothing but choice. Pure, simple choice.

Many people misunderstand the idea of "letting go." It seems irresponsible, lazy even. A life without a job? Tomfoolery! Blasphemy! Impossibility!

But think for a moment. Reflect. How much of your life have you spent having your tasks delegated to you by someone else? Throughout childhood, many of our parents indoctrinated us using 'good parent' techniques like educational videos, lectures, and years of embarrassing sand-sitting during our pee-wee sporting events.

Most of their time was spent telling us what /not/ to do. Don't eat sweets before dinner. Don't jump on the bed. Don't talk to strangers.

Sometimes they told us what we ought to do. /Do/ stay in school. /Do/ get a job. /Do/ go to college. /Do/ get another job.

All of this, in order to ensure that their offspring "had it better" than they did. All of this in order to ensure a more perfect future, especially "in this economy". All of this in order to ensure that they didn't fail at parenting, and that they did produce something worthwhile.

Occasionally parents will attempt to instill curiosity in their children. They tell their kids to travel, to see the world, to find their passions.

And so the young adult ponders this idea. Passions? Something they likely hadn't pursued until their post-pubescent years. Up til now all they could think about was how they had to wear deodorant now, how to avoid being called on in class to go up to the board when they're sporting an ill-timed (and often unsubstantial) erection, which bra to wear, how to effectively use hair styling gel to increase their dateability ratio. After this sea of raging hormones has somewhat ebbed, and the sweat from their grimy little palms has dried, there is time to think (with a somewhat rational mind) about "the future".

It's too bad that most of us only speculate.
How many of you wanted to be a dinosaur when you grew up? A ballerina? An astronaut? Indiana Jones? Why aren't you doing those things?
Because they're impossible, of course.
Because when our parents, our teachers, our guidance counselors told us to reach for the stars, they meant climb a ladder and sit on the roof--not go to the moon.

Every year, we get older. Every year, the bar we're reaching for gets closer.

But is it because we're making progress? or are we just lowering the bar?
Are we minimizing our expectations in order to achieve a sense of maximum satisfaction?

We like to think we're the dreamers we were when we were four. Ten. Fifteen. Nineteen. Twenty two.

Unfortunately, those people are too-often buried in the schoolyard with our plastic-bottle time capsules and our long-forgotten playhouses.

Every so often these children do go on to finish school. Finish college. Find a job. Find a graduate school. Find a wife. Find another job. Find an affordable, family-friendly car with room for a carseat or two and enough space to store the after soccer practice snack-cooler.

They tell themselves "I'll travel when I'm a bit older." When I have more money. When I have more time. After I get this promotion. When I get my vacation time. When I'm retired. When I get out of the hospital. When I get my strength back.

And soon, they're wishing, holding the hands of their children, regretting the fact that they never got the chance to travel before they died.

Well I'm here to tell you that it's okay to eat your sweets before dinner. If there's something you want to do, don't wait until "after" something to do it. If you want to take a backpack trip through Europe, you'd better get moving because each day you don't is a day that you deny yourself your basic human right--the pursuit of happiness. Each day you don't is a day you sink deeper in the pit of bureaucratic life. Each day you don't is a day you get closer to finishing your life without fulfilling your goals.

We're told not to talk to people we don't know. Am I right? How many of us were warned about Stranger Danger!? Since we were born, our parents have been warning us about the horrific dangers of life outside the schoolyard. Every person on the street is a psychotic homicidal maniac with a penchant for touching little boys who is just waiting to kill the shit out of you at any given moment!

Well that my friends is bullshit. You're old enough now to judge a situation. We know now that not everyone is a stalker, not everyone is biding his time until you leave your backseat unlocked, and not everyone is saving up each month to buy a big white van with no windows in the back. Talk to strangers! If you don't, you'll never make friends. Of course I don't mean go into the shady parts of town and strike up a conversation with a seedy looking bum who's trying to sell you hats made out of roadkill for a gram of coke. But you need to network. Network, network, network. This involves talking to a hell of a lot of strangers (which can be scary); the result is that opportunities will start coming your way. Each new person you meet, each conversation you have, every time you give out a business card or take one home, you are building a new door in your hallway of life. Knowing people and effectively communicating is the simplest way to cushion yourself against the fall when you take The Plunge. You never know whose best friend is a business consultant in Paris who needs an intern ASAP, or if your hairdresser is married to the lawyer for an international aid campaign that needs help in South America. So go ahead. Schmooze the daylights out of people. Make friends. Put yourself out there--because then the opportunities to really live your life will come to you.

And as long as we're saying fuck it to everything our parents taught us, let's jump on the bed. Have fun. It's your life! Start enjoying it! If you can't jump as high as you want, get a different bed. Or try someone else's bed. Jump on your neighbor's bed. Go camping and jump on your sleeping bag. Find what works for you and have fun doing it!

I know, you're thinking DAMN RIGHT! ITS SO EASY.
Well. It's not, but it's possible.

We think that our dreams are out of reach, or are something to wait for. So we never try. Instead, we remain faithful sharecroppers in a cubicle farm, selling the fruits of our labor in the form of DTS reports and expense records. And for what? To make enough money to pay for our American dream? To live an average life in an average town, with an average family. 2.5 children and a dog named Spot, in a neighborhood where all the houses look the same.

I don't know about you but the thought of such a mundane life full of pointless work frightens me. So I'm taking the plunge. I'm saying 'no'. I'm choosing /not/ to live that life.

Instead I'm choosing to move forward. To reach for what I want. To sing, dance, yell, through life instead of letting it scream past me for eighty more years.

Smell the flowers, people. Feel the air around you. Notice the way things taste or smell. Really focus on textures. Let your mind enjoy the softness of a blanket or the warmth of the sun. Find beauty in daily life, and you will never be unhappy.

If there is something you want to do, take fifteen minutes right now and take a step in that direction. Have you always wanted to visit Africa? Get online and take a look at some programs that might let you do that. Learn about how much it would cost to spend six months in Spain. Create a fake budget for your dream trip to the West Coast. If it seems crazy, that means you're on the right path.

Which brings me to my next point: It's ok to dream big. I'll say it once more just to make sure. It is perfectly okay if you want to have big, audacious, near-impossible dreams. Most people don't dream enough, and that's how they get caught in their tiny little ant farm lifestyle. Sure, some people will think you're crazy, but those people are afraid to leave their comfort zone. There will inevitably be people who try to bring you down. Let them try. In most cases, they are so ingrained in the comfort of their daily, average lives that they cannot fathom the idea of not having "The Steps" to make their lives make sense. Be firm in your goals. Every day just take a tiny step toward them, and the journey won't seem so bad. It's like saving money--if you put a dollar in your savings account each day you wouldn't be troubled--a dollar seems insignificant--but those dollars add up over time. The same is true when we take those first feeble baby steps toward the edge. They add up to a distance over time--and it takes time to work up the courage to take the plunge.

And there it is, the scary climax. The Plunge. It sounds frightening; the thought of leaving behind the daily life that we were "supposed" to have goes against everything we were taught our entire lives. You will get scared. You will turn back. You will undo all of your precious work. Those first tentative baby steps will be washed away like footprints in the sand. You'll reach desperately for that safety net, that web of mundane daily life that seems so safe and familiar.

It's okay to trip. It's okay to fall. Just dust yourself off and get back on the track. It's not a race--you just have to finish. Let go of what you've been taught your entire life. Let go of the idea that you just have to be successful at your career, have to make money, have to have a family, have to retire. Of course we all have to die sometime, but this is the only life we get--you'd better start making it count.