Dinner

Went to the caf to socialize. Good times. But was kinda meh. I felt a little indifferent. Tried to get a salad but I was so disgusted with everything in the caf...it's the same thing every day. I can only eat so much spinach with red peppers on it. Grr.

I had a tiny custard cup with some soft-serve vanilla ice cream in it, maybe half a cup with 1/2 tbsp of honey on it. Looked it up and it's 191 calories ish for 1/2 a cup. Plus I had honey on it. So there's another 13 cals right there. I don't have trouble restricting, but I do have trouble telling myself to be ok without purging. I eat things solely with the intent of purging them, and that is pathetic.

I've been hiding it hardcore from Boyfriend. He knows I started back on my antidepressants so I'm sure he's expecting some glorious return of my real personality... well the happy pills haven't kicked in yet but meh we'll see. Hopefully it'll improve my attendance at school as well. I just have to get my sleeping habits fixed.

Anyway, I'm going to the gym tonight after work in hopes of burning off whatever's left of that ice cream that I didn't purge.

Food:
B: Baby Food 80
L: Fiber One Bar 90
D: Bit of Salad and Ice Cream 210
Total: 380. FUCK.

It's ridiculous. I know four hundred calories is not too much for a normal person. It's wayyyy too little. If my best friend was only eating that much a day I'd be concerned for her yet I'm not concerned for myself in the least. All I can do is think, hope, pray, plea for the number to be smaller tomorrow so I can have a happy day.

I just hope Boyfriend doesn't find out....He'll be upset : (