Friday, May 28, 2010

171 this morning, probably 173 tomorrow.

After four days of essential starvation I was down to 171. SO close to being in the 160s, but there is always this week. Tomorrow is gonna be hard cause there will be people and food but I'm just gonna try n stay hydrated and awayyyy from the food. I'll be taking vitamins, excedrine, and coffee alllll day.

So 50 Cent apparently lost like 50 lb in a MONTH by going on a liquid diet and walking for three hours a day.

Guess who's goin' on that plan? This guy. Well I'll try to walk that long anyway. Idk if I can do it but we will see. I can always try--I did while I was at school. I need to not bulk up anyway.

But my measurements are down. 31 waist, 38.5 hips, 24.5 thighs, 15 knees, 11.5 arms.

w00t.

DOWN DOWN DOWN WE GO.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

174

I'm low after I just ate half a sandwich and some celery. Gotta up my water intake.
For the rest of the day I'm only going to eat celery and my watermelon candies and read my book. It's too hot to do anything else. Thank goodness for hot weather--it makes it too sticky to eat, and all the cold things have low calories anyway it seems.

Miu

Also I had most of a small sloppy joe sandwich, 200 cal? idk. and some potato chips, 120 cals at least.

FUCK.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

175?

Ish? Again? Idk.

Could be water. I dunno. All I've eaten today is lettuce, a small tomato, some diet soda (with a little regular mixed in), some salad dressing, and a couple of small candies that are 17 calories each.

Estimate...350 calories today? Maybe 400 if I am stretching it.

Drinking water, water, water to maintain my weight so I can see what is water weight and what is true loss.

Did lots of abs today, discovered a great exercise for obliques and I can feel the burn.

Got a job today. Good pay. Good benefits.
We'll see.

Pay for title transfer and plates, pay electric bill, and then I'm all caught up.

And I'm exercising every single day, at least a little bit.

Monday, May 24, 2010

175

Not sure if it's just water loss since it's been hot as satan's balls recently but we'll see.

I need to get back to more exercise but it's too damn hot these days.

Shit hit the fan with J and A.
The problem is I think I say I'm in love with J but I really want A.

WTF.

I wish I could just have no feelings.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Crashing

Out of school finally. Let myself go for a couple of weeks and undid my hard work.
Getting back on track today. It's harder when I feel comfortable.
Maybe time to recover?
Fuck that.
Not ready yet.

178

Sidenote:
Broke up with the boyfriend officially. Had a fight yesterday. Log in to facebook and he's listed as single. Thanks for mentioning that one, asshole.

Meh. Whatev. Its kinda what I wanted. I'm afraid I just love him for the security of loving him. I want to be rich and loved and with him I would be--which is sad.
But the other boy shares my zest for life and is SO sexy. I don't think it'll be permanent between us but it will be fun while it lasts.

His family only speaks Spanish so I will have to learn a bit more to keep up--it's difficult but kind of fun! Took his little sister to a movie last night and it was soooo much fun. She's adorable. And seeing him with her and with me--I think he's a real family kind of person.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

179?

I have bounced back up in weight. I'm not too shaken up about it--I know that once I'm done with school I can go back to starving. I am just afraid of missing out on stuff with my friends, not having enough energy for finals, etc. I also think my weight gain has to do with gaining muscle but we will see what the tape measure says.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

172

I guess my scale is off. Weighed myself digitally today and I'm 172. Not gonna let it stop me though.

Still can't stop. I just have to bleach myself. Get rid of all this nastiness on my body. Remove it forever. Disappear.

I can't take it.

The only thing I can control is what does or does not go in my mouth.
It's the only thing I can take.

Fuck.

---

As a positive note, the boy I met is so flipping gorgeous I can't take it. And so sexy. He purrs into my ear and kisses my neck and holds me when I sleep. I think I could fall in love with him one day.

Only time will tell. (but I'm calling this one early)

It's just a shame things are so hazy with my real boyfriend at the moment. What to do. Advice?

Sunday, May 2, 2010

179?

Not sure what's happening.
Had to eat a slice of pizza last night--friends were stalking me. I hate it. It's so shameful.

I feel a lot better now--jelly for lunch and that's all I can stomach, especially after last night. I just feel so dirty.

Met a good-lookin' boy and he spent the last two nights in my bed.
Nothing dirty yet, ; )

He's gorgeous, tall, beautiful, from Mexico, gorgeous.