Monday, November 22, 2010

Day 2 - 500

Today I have had 1/2 a can of tuna and a couple of bites of rice cake for lunch, and I just made the most delish smoothie! Recipe below.

B: nothing - 0 x
L: 1/2 can tuna, 1/3 rice cake - 70 x
S: Banana Pomegranate kefir smoothie - 159 x
S: 1.5 c broccoli with tzatziki - 80 x
D: Greens salad with balsamic and feta - 110 ( )
O: Cofee - 55 x
T: 474 eek cutting it close.

Not hungry after the broccoli filled me up--and a cup of coffee. Yumm. ...maybe i'll just have coke zero for dinner and I can knock it down to 374?


Banana Kefir Smoothie:
This smoothie is a little high in calories, but it is soooo delicious and can be a meal replacement as it is really filling. It tastes like ice cream but is packed with vitamins like potassium from the banana, and antioxidants and probiotics from the Kefir! Kefir can be found in the dairy section by the yoghurt. : )

I got my blender from a large retail store for a discounted price. It is a single-serv blender and you can even just stick the lid on it and drink from it like a cup. : ) Small and cheap and just enough for me.

3/4 banana - 72
1/2 cup Lifeway Pomegranate Kefir - 87
1/2 cup ice - 0

Combine ingredients in blender. Pulse 1 minute or until no large chunks of ice remain. Pour into medium glass and enjoy!! Sooo good.

I think I'll try to update each time with a new low-cal recipe each day, either something I found or something I created. I love to cook so you can guarantee it will be delishh!

Bonus Recipe:
Asian Tuna Salad

1 can chunk light or albacore tuna, drained
1 tbsp plain yellow mustard or 1 tsp mustard powder
1 tbsp soy sauce
Cayenne pepper
Black pepper to taste
Dry seaweed if desired.

Combine ingredients in a small bowl, mashing with a fork for a more even texture. Once well-blended, serve on no-salt crackers or wasa wafers. Sprinkle with shredded dried seafood if you like.

Makes two servings. Each serving is 62 calories (and high in protein and Omega-3s!), not including your cracker of choice. Good all by itself, too : ) If you try it let me know what you think!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

ABC Diet

I swore I'd never do this but I need some structure in my life.

Day one: 500 Cals or Less
Grapes - 80 x
Coke Zero - 1 x
Coffee - 25 x
106 2pm.

vegetable plate - 58 x
chocolate square - 40 x
coffee - 10 x
108 6pm.

small romaine salad - 10 x
feta - 60 x
coke zero - 1 x
chocolate square - 40 x
111 7:30 p.

Day total - 315
Goal Complete? Yes
Reward: Lower number on the scale tomorrow.

Not too bad considering I was aiming for 500.

Scale says 149...don't th ink I put on three lb in a week so must be water. Drinking more and more water to get rid of the bloat.


Finally getting the hungry back, but no cravings. Let's try and keep it that way.
I have no money but I got my mom to buy me laxatives, citing my medications as the excuse for my constipation. It's a side effect of all of them. Bear in mind I haven't taken them in days but you know how it is.

Plan for Tomorrow:
Day 2: 500 Calories

1/2 cup Kefir with ice and mixed berries (Smoothie) - 90
Grapes - 80
170

Tuna - 120
Mustard - 2
Rice Cakes - 40
162

Small Salad with Feta and Balsamic Vinegar - 110
110

Day 2 Total: 442



day1: 500 calories(or less)
day2: 500 calories(or less)
3:300 calories
4:400 calories
5: 100 calories
6: 200 calories
7: 300 calories
8: 400 calories
9: 500 calories
10: fast
11: 150 calories
12: 200 calories
13: 400 calories
14: 350 calories
15: 250 calories
16: 200 calories
17: fast
18: 200 calories
19: 100 calories
20: fast
21: 300 calories
22: 250 calories
23: 200 calories
24: 150 calories
25: 100 calories
26: 50 calories
27: 100 calories
28: 200 calories
29: 200 calories
30: 300 calories
31: 800
32: fast
33: 250 calories
34: 350 calories
35: 450 calories
36: fast
37: 500 calories
38: 450 calories
39: 400 calories
40: 350 calories
41: 300 calories
42: 250 calories
43: 200 calories
44: 200 calories
45: 250 calories
46: 200 calories
47: 300 calories
48: 200 calories
49: 150 calories
50: fast

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Biiiinge.

Well, today I had a donut for breakfast, some grapes, popcorn at the movies, barbecue brisket and beans for dinner and another donut for dessert and a tiny square of pizza cause my mom didn't see me eat and didn't believe that I had anything and I had a glass of milk so roughly that's 50000000000 calories. Got on the scale and it appears that I weigh seven lb more than usual. I realize it's just food and liquid in me but it's still depressing.

Oh well. I'm going to remember this.

Took four laxes tonight, we'll see in the am.

Looking forward to having coffee and grapes and more laxatives tomorrow.

Gonna be a good day.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

145

Today begins my new regimen focusing on calorie-counting, which is something I haven't done in awhile. Today is a 400 calorie day.

Intake:
B: Cereal - 125? (x)
L: Soup - 220 (x)
D: Salad - 50 (_)
S: Grapes - 10 (_)
Total: 400

Exercise:
Crunches - 50 (_)
Leg Lifts - 50 (_)
Jog in Place - (_)
Press ups - 10 (_)
Plank - (_)

Fat

Had to eat over the weekend cause friends were stalking me.

Back to normal. Had a bowl of Total (150) and a Coke Zero so far. My weight didn't go up too much but I'm still pretty annoyed. It's only about 2 lb so I'm guessing water weight because I only had about 1000 calories a day while I was there.

I have a new schedule, and I'm about to go make a calendar of caloric intake so I can avoid food for a little while longer. Feeling hungry. Going to start drinking a glass of water when I'm hungry instead of eating.

Why does food hate me so much?
What did I do to deserve this crap?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Fed up. 143

So fed up with my life right now.

They say I have to go to IP for two months. Fuck. No fair : (

All I ate today was grapes.
Seriously.
Some grapes.

Lack of appetite is okay with me. It's a lot easier when I remind myself that the physical pain distracts from the emotional one. Just gotta keep hungry, that's all.

Tried to work out today, but was too weak. My heart was beating wayyyy too fast. Been out of commission on the whole running thing for about a month and a half so I'll have to work on that. I had to stay away from it or else I'd do it excessively, but now I just don't care.

I just don't.

I will be small. I will. I don't give a fuck about pleasing anyone else. I have come this far, and I will get there.

I have lost 40 lb so far, and twenty more won't be that hard. I just need to kick my own ass and exercise and it will start coming off again.

I can see my hipbones sticking out when i'm just standing and relaxing, so that makes me happy. My arms look thinner. And everytime someone tells me "my, you look so thin" it just drives me harder to be thinner. When they say "you don't /look/ like youre sick" it just drives me harder.

Crunches tonight. And limiting myself to grapes and coffee for the night.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

ssris

so i'm on antidepressants. why aren't they working? i just feel worse.

i sent an email to my ex boyfriend today saying that i had something to tell him. i'm finally going to tell him i was raped, and that's why i cheated. i lashed out. i didn't know what else to do.

i feel so bad about it. so i sent him an email asking him to find it in his heart to meet up with him. i don't want to interrupt his life, but I need to tell him to get closure. it's making me miserable keeping this secret.

maybe one day it will work out for us. i know it's not going to be now because he's with someone else but maybe, just maybe, one day.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

bleh

this is a pointless post to say how disappointed with myself I am.

also I probably got my job back soooo...money. yay.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

145?

Iiiidunno. Need a laxie. Yesterday I binged and ate 420 calories' worth of m&m's. Purged it but still feel shitty about it. Ate cereal, tried to purge but my stomach wasn't full enough. That was it after that.

Today:

intake
cottage doubles - 100
mini-smoothie - 150
m&ms (my weakness) - 70
cereal - 120
baby food - 35
total - 475
FML.

Need to spread my meals out more.
Need to not waste calories on cereal with no nutritional value. Need to not eat m&m's.

Drinkin some coffee now. Hopefully I'll sustain myself on that.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

146

Man, I remember when I used to be proud of typing 170, 160, 150 into that bar. Horrified of that now.

Been home for three days, only purged twice.
Today I made a smoothie with wheat germ, flax, pineapple and a banana. Drank half of it. Purged.

Had fun-size m&ms. 70 cals. Purged.

Fuck.

Did some crunches today, not a ton, but some. Feeling a bit weak today, and really dizzy when I walk. Almost fell down today.

About to go fix a bowl of cereal and pretend to eat it in front of my mom and make her happy. At least throw her off. Maybe if I have that she'll be a little less likely to force me to eat dinner tonight with the family. Turkey and asparagus and broccoli...all things that are going to make my stomach feel like satan's having an orgy in there. NOT EATING IT.

Monday, November 1, 2010

no FUCKING clue

my scale is fuuuuucked. or else my floor is. i have to find a decent, level floor that isn't tile to weigh myself on.

intake
subway - 280 (death)
grapes - 150
smoothie - 150 (all fruit)
m&m's - 210 (FMYLIFE)

total - 690

exercise
50 crunches
20 lunges each side
pushups if i can muster the strength
leg lifts, suffering, self-loathing, running in place, walking, squats

fml
tomorrow's goal - <500