THATS IT

Fuck. I cannot take this anymore. Fuck mealtimes, fuck impressing my friends, fuck lying to everyone. I'm just not doing it. I'm not going to eat at meals if I don't want to. I'm not going to go if I don't want to. If I want to lock myself in a room and starve for a week that's what I'm going to do.

FUCK.

Screw being healthy, screw you and your attitude, screw your bitchy comments, screw your unforgiving eye, screw your fucking fake pity and concern.

I don't need it.

I'm going into overdrive. That's it. I can't stand this fat anymore. It needs to go. I need to get rid of it, and to be clean. I literally am going insane just from looking at myself. I hate it. I can't stand it.

I hate touching it, feeling it, seeing it on my bones, seeing even the slightest jiggle. I can't--won't--take it anymore. No more caving to pressure from friends, no more food situations, no more skipping class to secretly binge/purge, no more.

I don't care how much it hurts. I don't care how dizzy I feel. I don't care. I just know this needs to be gone.

I don't want to get better.