159 Feeling Better

Not at my lowest weight but underneath 160 for a few days. Retaining water like a motherfucker. Ugh I hate getting my period. It's just there, lurking, in the distance. Gah. I hate feeling all poufy.

Anyway as you might have read, I had a mini-break down the other day after being essentially forced to come to lunch at this really awful on-campus restaurant. Even the salads are awful. My friend was suspicious so I got this sandwich thing but I didn't know how to eat it. I have lost all sense of what is a normal portion. I eat MY 'normal' portion but it looks like too little compared to what she ate and then she looks at me weird. So then I eat more but I don't know when to stop. And then even if I'm full I finish mine if she does just so I don't look weird even though i know it's perfectly ok to not finish.

UGH.

I panicked so much, I threw up til it hurt, and then I lied to everyone about it.
Oh and then I took six laxative pills and went to bed. Fuck me.


Then the boyfriend comes over, I think we're having a nice cuddly night because the other day we had a discussion where I mentioned that I think we don't spend enough quality time together because we're ever only having sex. Not that I mind sex, it's just I feel like he's using me for it sometimes even if that's not the case. So I figured we'd go a few days without. Well he got cranky (after less than 24 hours) and he keeps asking me for it; idk if I should be so annoyed. I know he's just a hormonal male but it still bothered me. So this morning when he asked me i just picked up his shirt and trousers and tossed them on him and told him "Good thing I don't have to swipe my keycard to let you out. You know where the door is."

He lurked around for a bit but finally left. I don't want to be a frosty bitch or anything but really. A little respect! Come /on/.