152?

Guess drinking all that water helped banish the bloat from last night's pizza excursion. I only ate two slices and it was super thin crust. Today I ate a fifty cal baby food and 100 cal worth of soup and tried to hold it down but then just went in the bathroom and purged it. Probably only about 60 cals of it but...idk. I just made up that sixty cals by eating a jell-o mousse thing, which was my sweets for the day. Those things are sooo good and they're sugar free. I still feel guilty as hell for eating them but meh.

It's strange how I can see my thoughts morphing, and I'm doing nothing to stop it. I'm achy and tired from not eating, not sleeping properly. My hair is just...well it's bad news. My teeth are achy too and I can't muster the energy to go to the gym or for a walk or even to take a shower sometimes : /

And still I think...it's okay, because I'm getting thinner. I know I will mess up down the road and I will punish myself and I've accepted that with some sort of resigned calmness.

I hate this feeling. Like I'm accepting defeat. But right now I feel like I'm too weak to fight it.

Guess I'll tell Counselor that tomorrow morning at our appointment. . . Meh.

I think the boyfriend is gonna want to go out to eat tonight; he said he was hungry...hopefully he won't make me suffer : (