Fed up. 143

So fed up with my life right now.

They say I have to go to IP for two months. Fuck. No fair : (

All I ate today was grapes.
Seriously.
Some grapes.

Lack of appetite is okay with me. It's a lot easier when I remind myself that the physical pain distracts from the emotional one. Just gotta keep hungry, that's all.

Tried to work out today, but was too weak. My heart was beating wayyyy too fast. Been out of commission on the whole running thing for about a month and a half so I'll have to work on that. I had to stay away from it or else I'd do it excessively, but now I just don't care.

I just don't.

I will be small. I will. I don't give a fuck about pleasing anyone else. I have come this far, and I will get there.

I have lost 40 lb so far, and twenty more won't be that hard. I just need to kick my own ass and exercise and it will start coming off again.

I can see my hipbones sticking out when i'm just standing and relaxing, so that makes me happy. My arms look thinner. And everytime someone tells me "my, you look so thin" it just drives me harder to be thinner. When they say "you don't /look/ like youre sick" it just drives me harder.

Crunches tonight. And limiting myself to grapes and coffee for the night.