181.5

463? Are you kidding me? Fat bitch.
There will be punishment for that.

Intake:

Lunch:

1/3 String Cheese - 20 cal

3/4 c Broccoli - 48 cal

2 tbsp Tzatziki - 39 cal

Coke Zero - 1 cal

Ocean Spray Diet Blueberry Juice

diluted with half water - 5 cal

Total - 113

Dinner:

3/4 slice bread - 50 cal

1 Egg White - 20 cal

Raisins - 100 cal

Bit of Cheese - 9 cal

Total - 179

Snack:

Two Bites Dark Chocolate - 70 cal?

Homemade Blueberry Muffin - 100 cal

Coke Zero - 1 cal

Total - 171

Gonna do some exercise to get rid of this.

You know it's a sad day when you put away the rest of your string cheese so you don't go near 150 cals for a meal.

Fuck.

I never thought I would be one of those girls that listened to Ana's Song and cried for the truth of it.

At least I'm not vomiting anymore.

It's a weird journey. Bulimia for four years, a fifty pound weight gain. And almost overnight, I can't be sick after food. And I become terrified to eat. I don't dare go above 200 cals a meal. I don't exercise. Not yet.

But I fear it's coming. I'm in denial. I get the urge to just go run, sprint, jump, scream, in the middle of the night to burn what's left in my body.

I hate this.