155

I messed up last night and had pizza with my friends. I know this weight is really just water from the carbs because I know I didn't eat enough to actually gain, but still : /

I feel bad because I was guilted into it--and then when I got there they were making fun of me for not eating even though I said I just ate. They didn't believe me : / I feel like I can't lie to my friends.

Now I'm lying here considering taking a bunch of lax but I don't want to be miserable all night 'cause boyfriend will be here plus I have work to do. Then again I probably deserve the misery for messing up anyway.

I came home right after and tried to purge but bread is so so so hard to purge. I got a little of it up but nothing to make a substantial difference. I wanted to go to the gym but I just felt so woozy and tired. So last night, all that work was for nothing and then I messed up and tried to purge again. Fuck.


I just don't want to purge. I'm fine with starving, at least for awhile. I just don't want to purge!! Please : (

/end immature rant.