Well. Being healthy failed. Now I'm back to starving and purging : ( Fml. I just want to live a normal life.
Today I had:
Bit of egg white omelet - 50? idk - purged
Chocolate - 100? -purged
Monster energy - 0
Tall Frappuccino lite - 150 - purged
: ( help?
Friday, May 6, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Plan
Ok. I am going to fall harder into my ED if I don't make a plan. This will help me lose weight, yes, but also not veer off course into something nasty.
So my plan is,
Friday:
B - Steel cut oats with stevia (130)
L - Chicken and quinoa (300)
D - Sauteed mushrooms with spinach (60)
Total: 490
Saturday:
B - Banana (90)
S - Fiber One or Special K bar (90)
L - Grilled Chicken with Spinach (150)
D - Smoothie or salad (170)
Total: 500
Sunday:
B - Nothing
L - Nothing
D - at the wine lounge, probs about 700 calories of wine
So my plan is,
Friday:
B - Steel cut oats with stevia (130)
L - Chicken and quinoa (300)
D - Sauteed mushrooms with spinach (60)
Total: 490
Saturday:
B - Banana (90)
S - Fiber One or Special K bar (90)
L - Grilled Chicken with Spinach (150)
D - Smoothie or salad (170)
Total: 500
Sunday:
B - Nothing
L - Nothing
D - at the wine lounge, probs about 700 calories of wine
143
It's been awhile. Gained and lost. Took a ton of laxatives yesterday. Feeling much better now.
Told boyfriend and friends I used to take drugs.
Never told parents.
Idk. I feel like I can never tell them now.
OH welll.
It's 9 am central time in North America.
No calories consumed thus far. Thinking I will do some weight-bearing exercise today--running doesn't look like it's happening.
Told boyfriend and friends I used to take drugs.
Never told parents.
Idk. I feel like I can never tell them now.
OH welll.
It's 9 am central time in North America.
No calories consumed thus far. Thinking I will do some weight-bearing exercise today--running doesn't look like it's happening.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
144
organic energy bar - 200
naked juice - 280
organic steel cut oats - 120
600 calories so far.
really thinking about going to purge up that energy bar i just ate. even though it's healthy. fuckin kill me. but i have to do it before matt gets home.
help? anyone?
i decided i'm at least going to try to purge.
no, at most i'll get up maybe like 200 calories and it's not worth it. if i just keep this healthy stuff down i 'm less likely to eat a bunch of crap later so i am just going to try and keep this bit down. from now, only going to eat what i can write in my book. going downstairs go get it right now.
naked juice - 280
organic steel cut oats - 120
600 calories so far.
really thinking about going to purge up that energy bar i just ate. even though it's healthy. fuckin kill me. but i have to do it before matt gets home.
help? anyone?
i decided i'm at least going to try to purge.
no, at most i'll get up maybe like 200 calories and it's not worth it. if i just keep this healthy stuff down i 'm less likely to eat a bunch of crap later so i am just going to try and keep this bit down. from now, only going to eat what i can write in my book. going downstairs go get it right now.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
. . . i'm back.
after maintaining for four months, I am back. bulimia is back, anorexia is back, ednos is back.
fuck.
i was happy.
why does this happen.
fuck.
i was happy.
why does this happen.
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