155.5

Ok I'm being a little gratuitous here. I couldn't make myself believe it was down another lb so I added half back.

PS I have a confession to make--I'm actually ten lb lighter than what I say I am, but I set my scale to add ten back to keep me motivated and on the right course.

Bad?

Haha I know it's ridic, and I know I know in my head the scale is wrong but still seeing the number makes me work harder and sometimes I forget that that's not my real weight which pushes me even more.

--

Alright well I've gone and done it again. I am definitely in love with this stupid boy. I don't know how this happened but I like it. I'm pretty sure I could spend my life with him--if only we had more similar goals. I don't want to change mine but I don't want him to change his either. : / Life is weird.

He's not all about the marriage and whatnot, which is good 'cause I'm not either. I feel that two people can live together and have joint things and a home and maybe a family without being married. His family does it. And mine does the opposite. They are married but act like they're not so yeah. I guess it works both ways. See--thing is, I'd like to have a wedding in a pretty Cahill Beverly Hills 1950's wedding dress x) I don't want it to be anything religious or in a church or anything but maybe somewhere pretty with a view and some natural scenery would be nice. Idk. I'm just hoping to hit the lottery or something so I can put it in my bank account. x)

--

In other news I made myself a really really delish smoothie. It was small enough to be safe but dense enough to be filling. It's 1 part frozen mango to one part milk with 2 scoops unflavoured whey protein powder and 1.5 tbsp of ground organic flaxseed. Yummy AND really filling.

Not for everyday--too calorie-dense--but still pretty good for a breakfast treat. I think the rest of the day I'm going to have a packet of oatmeal (100 cal) and a strawnana smoothie with soy milk (200 cal?)

Kind of a high-cal day but still okay since the stuff I am having is fresh, right?

Tomorrow's payday. Got some tickets for the state fair to take my boyfriend to see his favorite band play live but he has to work now. : ( So that sucks. Ah well maybe we can do something else.

Edit : 166

Can't weigh myself for a few more minutes, til my mom goes back to work. I told her a few days ago about my problem and now she's watching me like a hawk. FML.

She found my laxatives and saw my milk of magnesia and now she's freaking out. I know she's just concerned but I'm not abusing them--I honestly need them since nothing's going in or coming out.

Fuck I should never have told her. I don't care. Goddamn. Well at least I'll be going back to school in a couple weeks so I can get back to my normal habits without being watched.

Can't wait to be thinner.
<3

Edit:

Fuck I'm stuck at 166, it won't go down. Tonight I'm running for two hours once the sun goes down a bit and I'm only gonna drink water for the rest of the day and take milk of magnesia after I get back from my run.


Gonna start writing my daily exercise here as a reminder to really do it. The goal is to do it right after I write it down to make it real and doable.

Today's To-Do
Run 2 Hrs
600 Crunches (Sets of 50)
10 Mins Star Jumps (Sets of 1 Min)
60 Lunges each side (Sets of 15)
20 Pushups (Sets of 5)
100 Leg Lifts each side(Sets of 20)
5 Minute Abs Workout YouTube


Today's Don't-Do
Eat
Be a slave to food.
Be a fat bitch.
Be an ugly whore.
Be a nasty slut.