Back under 140 thank goodness. I can't remember even when I was 150, 160, 170, or 180... Eugh. Thank goodness I'm not there anymore. Only 20 or 25 more to go.
I planned a day today where I could have what I wanted because I've been plateauing and my working out isn't taking off the inches. My body's refusing. So I decided to eat a bit today. All I had was a bowl of Special K and half a sandwich but I still feel like a fat whore.
Fuck.
Anyway, getting my mind off of that, had my friend J over last night. He's lovely, my best friend : ) Being with hiim made me soooo happy! We had such a good time. I haven't laughed like that for ages.
Visiting the boyfriend after Christmas instead of before. That way we'll have more time together...to talk. Meh.
Well must go. Sorry for the lapse in updates though apparently nobody actually reads this ; )
Peace, loves.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
I FUCKING HATE MYSELF.
FML
I want to die. Since I made my first goal I let myself have a few MnMs and a diet coke.
Now I am 3 lbs up. FUCK. I guess I just am not allowed to eat. Well I can do that. Wish I had some laxatives...
Oh wait. I have a little money...I could buy some today. . . Well that's defo happening. And I am /not/ eating Jimmy Joe's BBQ with boyfriend on Sunday... no matter how guilty he makes me feel.
GODDAMNIT.
I want to die. Since I made my first goal I let myself have a few MnMs and a diet coke.
Now I am 3 lbs up. FUCK. I guess I just am not allowed to eat. Well I can do that. Wish I had some laxatives...
Oh wait. I have a little money...I could buy some today. . . Well that's defo happening. And I am /not/ eating Jimmy Joe's BBQ with boyfriend on Sunday... no matter how guilty he makes me feel.
GODDAMNIT.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
140
I am at my first goal weight. BMI of 20. Five more lbs and I'll be at a 19 BMI. YES. I can probably do that within a week and a half if I keep up. I'm on day two of eating pretty much nothing and it's quite nice. I'm hungry but I don't want to eat so I kind of just ignore it. So excited to go back to school this semester and get back into the swing of things. I haven't told my mum that I'm going to lose more weight though. : / but if I go to treatment it will be over summer--I can't bear the idea of missing another semester. So I'm beating this semester out and then yeah we will see.
So far today I have had about 150 cals worth of grapes? I think. And a bowl of cereal with soy milk so probably about 150 for that too. Now I'm having a cup of coffee with a splash of soy milk (35) so total is about 340. I am at a negative calorie count though because I went to the gym and ran/walked for an hour at a pretty quick pace with invtervals of high intensity so I feel pretty good about that. Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow I'll be below 140. That would be sooo great. : )))) Applying for my job again so maybe I'll have some money coming in. . . that'll be nice.
I just want this fat off of my fucking body. I am getting so sick of it. I just want thin. Lines. Bones. Contours. so tired of it.
So far today I have had about 150 cals worth of grapes? I think. And a bowl of cereal with soy milk so probably about 150 for that too. Now I'm having a cup of coffee with a splash of soy milk (35) so total is about 340. I am at a negative calorie count though because I went to the gym and ran/walked for an hour at a pretty quick pace with invtervals of high intensity so I feel pretty good about that. Hopefully when I wake up tomorrow I'll be below 140. That would be sooo great. : )))) Applying for my job again so maybe I'll have some money coming in. . . that'll be nice.
I just want this fat off of my fucking body. I am getting so sick of it. I just want thin. Lines. Bones. Contours. so tired of it.
Friday, December 3, 2010
143
Well I am restarting the ABC because I had a weekend away from home where I was being watched like a hawk. I didn't gain, but I didn't lose dramatically either.
I am thinking about, no definitely taking laxatives tonight. I don't usually think of them in weight loss terms but it seems like they usually push me over the edge of my next goal (which is 140). I've been stuck here for ages and I'm tired of it. Time to get rid of those lbs. No excuse for being this weight for a month. I remember it took so long to get out of the 60's, the 50's, and now here. I would be losing easier if I was at school : (
Maybe I will just pretend I'm ok and go back in the spring...At least that way I can get skinny again without being watched like a hawk. But it's kind of tempting. I'm on the cusp of getting treatment...
Then I don't have to be like this anymore.
But. . . I'm not at my goal yet : ( I can't bear to think about stopping.
I am thinking about, no definitely taking laxatives tonight. I don't usually think of them in weight loss terms but it seems like they usually push me over the edge of my next goal (which is 140). I've been stuck here for ages and I'm tired of it. Time to get rid of those lbs. No excuse for being this weight for a month. I remember it took so long to get out of the 60's, the 50's, and now here. I would be losing easier if I was at school : (
Maybe I will just pretend I'm ok and go back in the spring...At least that way I can get skinny again without being watched like a hawk. But it's kind of tempting. I'm on the cusp of getting treatment...
Then I don't have to be like this anymore.
But. . . I'm not at my goal yet : ( I can't bear to think about stopping.
143
Well I am restarting the ABC because I had a weekend away from home where I was being watched like a hawk. I didn't gain, but I didn't lose dramatically either.
I am thinking about, no definitely taking laxatives tonight. I don't usually think of them in weight loss terms but it seems like they usually push me over the edge of my next goal (which is 140). I've been stuck here for ages and I'm tired of it. Time to get rid of those lbs. No excuse for being this weight for a month. I remember it took so long to get out of the 60's, the 50's, and now here. I would be losing easier if I was at school : (
Maybe I will just pretend I'm ok and go back in the spring...At least that way I can get skinny again without being watched like a hawk. But it's kind of tempting. I'm on the cusp of getting treatment...
Then I don't have to be like this anymore.
But. . . I'm not at my goal yet : ( I can't bear to think about stopping.
I am thinking about, no definitely taking laxatives tonight. I don't usually think of them in weight loss terms but it seems like they usually push me over the edge of my next goal (which is 140). I've been stuck here for ages and I'm tired of it. Time to get rid of those lbs. No excuse for being this weight for a month. I remember it took so long to get out of the 60's, the 50's, and now here. I would be losing easier if I was at school : (
Maybe I will just pretend I'm ok and go back in the spring...At least that way I can get skinny again without being watched like a hawk. But it's kind of tempting. I'm on the cusp of getting treatment...
Then I don't have to be like this anymore.
But. . . I'm not at my goal yet : ( I can't bear to think about stopping.
143
Well I am restarting the ABC because I had a weekend away from home where I was being watched like a hawk. I didn't gain, but I didn't lose dramatically either.
I am thinking about, no definitely taking laxatives tonight. I don't usually think of them in weight loss terms but it seems like they usually push me over the edge of my next goal (which is 140). I've been stuck here for ages and I'm tired of it. Time to get rid of those lbs. No excuse for being this weight for a month. I remember it took so long to get out of the 60's, the 50's, and now here. I would be losing easier if I was at school : (
Maybe I will just pretend I'm ok and go back in the spring...At least that way I can get skinny again without being watched like a hawk. But it's kind of tempting. I'm on the cusp of getting treatment...
Then I don't have to be like this anymore.
But. . . I'm not at my goal yet : ( I can't bear to think about stopping.
I am thinking about, no definitely taking laxatives tonight. I don't usually think of them in weight loss terms but it seems like they usually push me over the edge of my next goal (which is 140). I've been stuck here for ages and I'm tired of it. Time to get rid of those lbs. No excuse for being this weight for a month. I remember it took so long to get out of the 60's, the 50's, and now here. I would be losing easier if I was at school : (
Maybe I will just pretend I'm ok and go back in the spring...At least that way I can get skinny again without being watched like a hawk. But it's kind of tempting. I'm on the cusp of getting treatment...
Then I don't have to be like this anymore.
But. . . I'm not at my goal yet : ( I can't bear to think about stopping.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Day 2 - 500
Today I have had 1/2 a can of tuna and a couple of bites of rice cake for lunch, and I just made the most delish smoothie! Recipe below.
B: nothing - 0 x
L: 1/2 can tuna, 1/3 rice cake - 70 x
S: Banana Pomegranate kefir smoothie - 159 x
S: 1.5 c broccoli with tzatziki - 80 x
D: Greens salad with balsamic and feta - 110 ( )
O: Cofee - 55 x
T: 474 eek cutting it close.
Not hungry after the broccoli filled me up--and a cup of coffee. Yumm. ...maybe i'll just have coke zero for dinner and I can knock it down to 374?
Banana Kefir Smoothie:
This smoothie is a little high in calories, but it is soooo delicious and can be a meal replacement as it is really filling. It tastes like ice cream but is packed with vitamins like potassium from the banana, and antioxidants and probiotics from the Kefir! Kefir can be found in the dairy section by the yoghurt. : )
I got my blender from a large retail store for a discounted price. It is a single-serv blender and you can even just stick the lid on it and drink from it like a cup. : ) Small and cheap and just enough for me.
3/4 banana - 72
1/2 cup Lifeway Pomegranate Kefir - 87
1/2 cup ice - 0
Combine ingredients in blender. Pulse 1 minute or until no large chunks of ice remain. Pour into medium glass and enjoy!! Sooo good.
I think I'll try to update each time with a new low-cal recipe each day, either something I found or something I created. I love to cook so you can guarantee it will be delishh!
Bonus Recipe:
Asian Tuna Salad
1 can chunk light or albacore tuna, drained
1 tbsp plain yellow mustard or 1 tsp mustard powder
1 tbsp soy sauce
Cayenne pepper
Black pepper to taste
Dry seaweed if desired.
Combine ingredients in a small bowl, mashing with a fork for a more even texture. Once well-blended, serve on no-salt crackers or wasa wafers. Sprinkle with shredded dried seafood if you like.
Makes two servings. Each serving is 62 calories (and high in protein and Omega-3s!), not including your cracker of choice. Good all by itself, too : ) If you try it let me know what you think!
B: nothing - 0 x
L: 1/2 can tuna, 1/3 rice cake - 70 x
S: Banana Pomegranate kefir smoothie - 159 x
S: 1.5 c broccoli with tzatziki - 80 x
D: Greens salad with balsamic and feta - 110 ( )
O: Cofee - 55 x
T: 474 eek cutting it close.
Not hungry after the broccoli filled me up--and a cup of coffee. Yumm. ...maybe i'll just have coke zero for dinner and I can knock it down to 374?
Banana Kefir Smoothie:
This smoothie is a little high in calories, but it is soooo delicious and can be a meal replacement as it is really filling. It tastes like ice cream but is packed with vitamins like potassium from the banana, and antioxidants and probiotics from the Kefir! Kefir can be found in the dairy section by the yoghurt. : )
I got my blender from a large retail store for a discounted price. It is a single-serv blender and you can even just stick the lid on it and drink from it like a cup. : ) Small and cheap and just enough for me.
3/4 banana - 72
1/2 cup Lifeway Pomegranate Kefir - 87
1/2 cup ice - 0
Combine ingredients in blender. Pulse 1 minute or until no large chunks of ice remain. Pour into medium glass and enjoy!! Sooo good.
I think I'll try to update each time with a new low-cal recipe each day, either something I found or something I created. I love to cook so you can guarantee it will be delishh!
Bonus Recipe:
Asian Tuna Salad
1 can chunk light or albacore tuna, drained
1 tbsp plain yellow mustard or 1 tsp mustard powder
1 tbsp soy sauce
Cayenne pepper
Black pepper to taste
Dry seaweed if desired.
Combine ingredients in a small bowl, mashing with a fork for a more even texture. Once well-blended, serve on no-salt crackers or wasa wafers. Sprinkle with shredded dried seafood if you like.
Makes two servings. Each serving is 62 calories (and high in protein and Omega-3s!), not including your cracker of choice. Good all by itself, too : ) If you try it let me know what you think!
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